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Haven't been around the interwebs very much lately. Life has been oscillating between terribly exciting and terribly terrible for the last few months. Attempting to remain sane, attempting to make art, attempting to tread water. My apologies if I have seemed distracted (or even absent).
I had an opportunity to shoot my friend Brooke the other day. While I no longer consider myself a photographer, I will still gladly pull out the camera gear to shoot photos for a friend, especially one who is willing to collaborate and bring some of their own energy to the table. Here is some of what we came up with:
   
More on my portfolio site here: http://larryholdaway.com/photography/brooke-chains/
The shoot started out rather silly and campy, but as we neared the end, and we had already covered all of the shots she needed, we started to riff on the use of the chains (which I had brought along purely as an after-thought). Out of that, something dark and uncomfortable evolved, a meditation on the horrible depths that love/obsession can drag one into.
The photos we intended to shoot turned out fine, and worked great for the client, but as I was editing, I kept coming back to these images instead. There is an uneasy undercurrent in my work lately, but not something I can really define or articulate. The words that spring to mind make no sense: heavy, wet, cold, rotted. When I think on it for too long, I get the sense that I can smell old, drying blood, that it is mid-day, but cold and dark, with a near freezing mist drifting from slate skies, seeping through my skin, making my bones ache. The trees are bare, the earth is dead, hope is lost.
This is why I try not to sit idle with my thoughts for too long.
That sensation, that impression, that (dare I say?) hallucination, nagged at me as I worked through these photos. The same feeling crept over me while I was working on this self portrait last month: "threadbare" (warning, NOT SAFE FOR WORK (or for hetero-males if Noah is to be believed)). In retrospect, the feeling has been with me in everything I've worked on for the last three months.
Hmm, I think I'll leave it there for now. I didn't intend to dig into this when I first started writing the entry.
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| - Lars |
| article link / 8 comments |
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Since a number of friends have asked, here's a micro-review of my new Droid (Motorola A855).
Preface:
The Droid is my first "smart" phone, so I can't say much in comparison to iPhone, Palm, Blackberry, etc. I've been using it now for a week and a half - enough time to get a feel, but not long enough to start hacking it. These are just my general (and quite personal) opinions.
The Good:
- The screen is absofuckingly amazing: 3.7in (94mm), 480 x 854 pixels, 16:9 widescreen. These are some of the tiniest pixels I have ever seen.
- Contact integration from Facebook and Gmail. This works remarkably well, although you might have trouble finding someone's phone number if you happen to have hundreds of Facebook friends. Importing the contacts from my old phone wasn't too bad, I had to save them out as a CSV file and then import them to my Gmail. From there, the phone automagically synced.
- Gmail, POP email & Facebook built in.
- A real web-browser, which means the full, real internets, not that little sliver that my old phone gave me. Walking around with Google in my pocket has... well, it has changed me.
- Google Navigator. Buh bye dedicated GPS units. Turn by turn directions, with voice synthesis & speech recognition, semi-real-time traffic and Google search. Built in. For FREE.
The Bad:
- My bank (Chase) doesn't have an Android app. The ability to do online banking from my phone, was one the reasons I bought a smart phone.
- Occasional crashes. The Droid (unlike the iPhone) allows you to run multiple apps simultaneously. Since most of the apps are developed by 3rd parties, there's no guarantee that they'll play nice together (or even by themselves). This isn't a big deal, rebooting the phone always clears things up... it *is* a computer after all.
- The battery cover comes off in my pocket at random times. There could be a number of contributing factors; including the fact that I ride a motorcycle most of the time and my jeans aren't exactly loose.
- Size. It's a bit on the big side compared to my past phones. I can put it in my back pocket, but I can't stuff it into my corset when I go clubbing (yeah, corset, what of it?). I'm sure I'll get used to it. Overall, it's roughly the same size as the iPhone.
The Unsure:
- The keyboard. Don't get me wrong, I really, really like having a physical, slide-out keyboard. I can't find any specific fault with it. However, it's taking me longer than I had expected to get used to it. I'm currently typing about twice as fast as I did on my old, non-smart, non-qwerty phone. I suspect that this will improve with time. (The phone also has a virtual keyboard, but I type even slower with that).
- Battery life. My old phone could go for a few days without needing a charge, whereas my Droid can't make it through the day. To be fair, this is completely *my* fault. I can't put the damn thing down; I'm constantly looking things up, surfing the web, checking my mail, etc. New toys get played with the most. The battery life will probably improve when the novelty wears off.
Conclusion:
I like this phone. No, I *REALLY* like this phone. It is not an overstatement to say that it has changed my life. I find it hard to believe that, a mere two weeks ago, I walked around without the Google, without my entire art portfolio, without an overhead satellite view of my current location (with traffic!), and without Facebook (for the love of God!)... in my back pocket.
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| - Lars |
| article link / 4 comments |
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While we were on holiday, I had time to work on some art (yes, I brought my laptop with me... yes, I know I said I wouldn't... "Bad Lars!"). In any case, here they are:
eye contact #1 (Oral xii) - 30 x 20 in. (prints available)
a composite image created from 110 found-photos of fellatio
eye contact #2 (Oral xiii) - 30 x 20 in. (prints available)
a composite image created from 107 found-photos of fellatio
angle of inclination #1 (Oral xiv) - 20 x 30 in. (prints available)
a composite image created from 104 found-photos of fellatio and bukkake
angle of inclination #2 (Oral xv) - 20 x 30 in. (prints available)
a composite image created from 119 found-photos of fellatio and bukkake
In both of these sets, I am attempting to explore the range of emotional intent that can be communicated with differences in eye contact and head position.
In the first set [eye contact #1 & #2] the difference is obvious, with the focus shifting from the implied receiver to the audience (intimate vs. exhibitionist). On the other hand, the second set [angle of inclination #1 & #2] is considerably more subtle, leaving a lot of room for interpretation.
What do you think?
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| - Lars |
| article link / 1 comment |
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Did an impromptu shoot tonight, and ended up with a new self portrait. Oh vodka... the things you make me do.
LOL.
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| - Lars |
| article link / 7 comments |
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Drove up to Seattle to see my sister. 2530 miles in 5 days (43 hours of road-time, round trip). Not too shabby, considering first 700 miles or so were on Highway 1, up the California coast. A beautiful drive, the Pacific Ocean on the left, miles and miles of forest and farmland on the right. Lunch at a small, quiet restaurant tucked into the woods by the ocean. Across the Golden Gate Bridge and more coastline. A plunge into the redwoods, winding canyon roads, the deep, green darkness of ancient forest, old magic... up, over and through the mountains.
Good to get away, to spend time with my sister, to morn with her over the loss of Eli, her little baby boy. Tears, hugs, and quiet, thoughtful conversation. Tears again at writing this, and again at reading it. A forest walk with her beautiful children. Some insights into our family, and my sometimes awkward place in it.
A bit of guilt at not contacting any of our amazing Seattle friends while in town. The trip is about family, no time/energy to socialize. I'll make it up to you later.
The long, monotonous drive back to Los Angeles, down Interstate 5. Angie asleep in the passenger seat. An impromptu detour to visit our tattoo artist at his new shop in Berkeley, CA. More thoughtful conversation. Hours of road time afterward to meditate on (re)surfacing ideas, to reconsider priorities, and contemplate new paths.
Up the Grapevine, through the high mountain pass. Used to go camping up here, when I was a kid. When was I ever a kid? Always so mature, always so responsible. The burden of the eldest son, of a dedicated, hard working father. Down the mountain and back to all too familiar territory.
Home. Work email is waiting. It will wait. A quarter of my life spent working there, it will wait.
Sleep. Wake. Return the rental car. Walk back home, in early morning silence.
Breathe. Breathe in the air.
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| - Lars |
| article link / post a comment |
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I apologize if I have not been responsive to your comments, IMs, emails, calls, etc. An impending deadline at work is occupying every waking moment. Everything has started to slip... I even had to cancel my wrist surgery. I wish I could say that it will be over soon, but it is now likely that there will be, at least, an additional month added. Please bear with me in this ill-defined meantime between now and when I get my life back.
Okay, back to work.
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| - Lars |
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This month at Club HELL, I'll be giving away *very* limited edition art trading-cards (ACEO's) to anyone who does ONE of the following at the show:
1) Trades me a card (or other piece of art) of their own.
2) Grabs my ass. (my personal favorite... lol)
3) Flashes me.
4) Signs up to model for my work.
5) Can tell me what my "Known Soldier" piece is about.
Limit 1 per person, while supplies last. Details and images of the cards are available HERE.
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| - Lars |
| article link / 2 comments |
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Here are the art trading cards that I'm thinking about giving away at Club HELL. I made them on a whim, and never figured out what to do with them.
They're about the same size as baseball cards, and printed on acid-free, archival cardstock. All are reproductions of pieces that I've shown at various shows. There are nine, hand-numbered pieces in each edition.
I'm still not sure exactly what criteria I'll use to give them away. I'd like it to be something fun, sexy and kinda silly - like flashing me or grabbing my ass (so far, those are the most popular suggestions). Jonni suggested handing them out to people who ask good questions about the work, but the music is usual loud enough to make that one difficult (at best).
Anyway, here they are. Most are not safe for work... of course.
The Known Soldier
2.5 x 3.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces
altar of hubris
3.5 x 2.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces
Bathroom Vanity
2.5 x 3.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces
oral i
2.5 x 3.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces
oral ii
2.5 x 3.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces
oral iii
2.5 x 3.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces
ready
2.5 x 3.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces
willing
2.5 x 3.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces
able
2.5 x 3.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces
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| - Lars |
| article link / 6 comments |
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So...
I've been thinking about doing an art give-away at the next Club HELL. I made a small series of numbered, art trading-cards, and I'd like to hand them out at the next show, *but*, I don't want to just give them to just anyone - only people who really appreciate my work.
Therein lies the dilemma... what criteria do I set? Previously, I offered them to anyone who grabbed my ass at the show, but there was only one taker - and that was via the inter-tubes (Danke Chrystyne!). I'm willing to try that one again, but perhaps there's something better?
I guess I'm looking for something debaucherous, yet legal - something to indicate that someone is a fan of my work, and is also willing to put some effort into getting a free piece of my art...
Any thoughts?
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| - Lars |
| article link / 5 comments |
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Here's a sneak peek at my new series. As usual, it's NSFW.
Black Velcro® hooks on foam-core.
19 x 28 inches.
The image is only visible at specific angles, appearing as a solid, black rectangle from other view points.
This is the first in a series of mixed-media works showing friends and acquaintances performing fellatio on the artist (um... me). It's an experiment in interpersonal and social boundaries.
The idea for this project has been kicking around in my head for a couple of years, but I keep losing my nerve. In finally executing it, I am attempting overcoming my fear of rejection and facing the consequences of bold (or unconventional) choices.
I wonder how many people will think I'm just a creep, asking for blow-jobs in the name of art...
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| - Lars |
| article link / 9 comments |
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| Quote of the moment: |
"In this age, which believes that there is a short cut to everything, the greatest lesson to be learned is that the most difficult way is, in the long run, the easiest."
-Henry Miller, The Books in My Life |
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