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Over the past few months I have found myself growing weary, weary of my life, of the current state of affairs. Not to the point of taking my own life, mind you, merely to the point of tears.
I recognize that I am insecure and over-sensitive. In order to be happy, I need something in my life to bolster my self-esteem and remind me that things are okay. That something is lacking, in both my professional and personal lives.
The idea that I need to be secure within myself has not escaped me. It is the battle that I wage everyday. Yet it seems that I fight without reinforcements or hope of supply. I am lost, deep behind enemy lines, wounded, and running dangerously low on ammunition.
Tomorrow I leave for Utah, to attend my sister's wedding. Hopefully, the trip will remind me that my family loves my, at least.
I know that I am loved, and that I am important to other people... I just don't feel it anymore.
I am tired, most of all, of being mentally ill.
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| - Lars |
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