Blue Star Folly

Published!

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 17:27:00 -0800

One of my pieces has been published in The World's Greatest Erotic Art of Today (Vol 3).

I am pleased. :)

New photo shoot, and extended ramblings

Wed, 06 Jan 2010 17:07:00 -0800

Haven't been around the interwebs very much lately. Life has been oscillating between terribly exciting and terribly terrible for the last few months. Attempting to remain sane, attempting to make art, attempting to tread water. My apologies if I have seemed distracted (or even absent).

I had an opportunity to shoot my friend Brooke the other day. While I no longer consider myself a photographer, I will still gladly pull out the camera gear to shoot photos for a friend, especially one who is willing to collaborate and bring some of their own energy to the table. Here is some of what we came up with:

More on my portfolio site here: http://larryholdaway.com/photography/brooke-chains/

The shoot started out rather silly and campy, but as we neared the end, and we had already covered all of the shots she needed, we started to riff on the use of the chains (which I had brought along purely as an after-thought). Out of that, something dark and uncomfortable evolved, a meditation on the horrible depths that love/obsession can drag one into.

The photos we intended to shoot turned out fine, and worked great for the client, but as I was editing, I kept coming back to these images instead. There is an uneasy undercurrent in my work lately, but not something I can really define or articulate. The words that spring to mind make no sense: heavy, wet, cold, rotted. When I think on it for too long, I get the sense that I can smell old, drying blood, that it is mid-day, but cold and dark, with a near freezing mist drifting from slate skies, seeping through my skin, making my bones ache. The trees are bare, the earth is dead, hope is lost.

This is why I try not to sit idle with my thoughts for too long.

That sensation, that impression, that (dare I say?) hallucination, nagged at me as I worked through these photos. The same feeling crept over me while I was working on this self portrait last month: "threadbare" (warning, NOT SAFE FOR WORK (or for hetero-males if Noah is to be believed)). In retrospect, the feeling has been with me in everything I've worked on for the last three months.

Hmm, I think I'll leave it there for now. I didn't intend to dig into this when I first started writing the entry.

Motorola Droid micro-review

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:08:00 -0800

Since a number of friends have asked, here's a micro-review of my new Droid (Motorola A855).

Preface:
The Droid is my first "smart" phone, so I can't say much in comparison to iPhone, Palm, Blackberry, etc. I've been using it now for a week and a half - enough time to get a feel, but not long enough to start hacking it. These are just my general (and quite personal) opinions.

The Good:
- The screen is absofuckingly amazing: 3.7in (94mm), 480 x 854 pixels, 16:9 widescreen. These are some of the tiniest pixels I have ever seen.
- Contact integration from Facebook and Gmail. This works remarkably well, although you might have trouble finding someone's phone number if you happen to have hundreds of Facebook friends. Importing the contacts from my old phone wasn't too bad, I had to save them out as a CSV file and then import them to my Gmail. From there, the phone automagically synced.
- Gmail, POP email & Facebook built in.
- A real web-browser, which means the full, real internets, not that little sliver that my old phone gave me. Walking around with Google in my pocket has... well, it has changed me.
- Google Navigator. Buh bye dedicated GPS units. Turn by turn directions, with voice synthesis & speech recognition, semi-real-time traffic and Google search. Built in. For FREE.

The Bad:
- My bank (Chase) doesn't have an Android app. The ability to do online banking from my phone, was one the reasons I bought a smart phone.
- Occasional crashes. The Droid (unlike the iPhone) allows you to run multiple apps simultaneously. Since most of the apps are developed by 3rd parties, there's no guarantee that they'll play nice together (or even by themselves). This isn't a big deal, rebooting the phone always clears things up... it *is* a computer after all.
- The battery cover comes off in my pocket at random times. There could be a number of contributing factors; including the fact that I ride a motorcycle most of the time and my jeans aren't exactly loose.
- Size. It's a bit on the big side compared to my past phones. I can put it in my back pocket, but I can't stuff it into my corset when I go clubbing (yeah, corset, what of it?). I'm sure I'll get used to it. Overall, it's roughly the same size as the iPhone.

The Unsure:
- The keyboard. Don't get me wrong, I really, really like having a physical, slide-out keyboard. I can't find any specific fault with it. However, it's taking me longer than I had expected to get used to it. I'm currently typing about twice as fast as I did on my old, non-smart, non-qwerty phone. I suspect that this will improve with time. (The phone also has a virtual keyboard, but I type even slower with that).
- Battery life. My old phone could go for a few days without needing a charge, whereas my Droid can't make it through the day. To be fair, this is completely *my* fault. I can't put the damn thing down; I'm constantly looking things up, surfing the web, checking my mail, etc. New toys get played with the most. The battery life will probably improve when the novelty wears off.

Conclusion:
I like this phone. No, I *REALLY* like this phone. It is not an overstatement to say that it has changed my life. I find it hard to believe that, a mere two weeks ago, I walked around without the Google, without my entire art portfolio, without an overhead satellite view of my current location (with traffic!), and without Facebook (for the love of God!)... in my back pocket.

New erotic artwork

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:01:00 -0700

While we were on holiday, I had time to work on some art (yes, I brought my laptop with me... yes, I know I said I wouldn't... "Bad Lars!"). In any case, here they are:

eye contact #1 (Oral xii) - 30 x 20 in. (prints available)
a composite image created from 110 found-photos of fellatio

eye contact #2 (Oral xiii) - 30 x 20 in. (prints available)
a composite image created from 107 found-photos of fellatio

angle of inclination #1 (Oral xiv) - 20 x 30 in. (prints available)
a composite image created from 104 found-photos of fellatio and bukkake

angle of inclination #2 (Oral xv) - 20 x 30 in. (prints available)
a composite image created from 119 found-photos of fellatio and bukkake

In both of these sets, I am attempting to explore the range of emotional intent that can be communicated with differences in eye contact and head position.

In the first set [eye contact #1 & #2] the difference is obvious, with the focus shifting from the implied receiver to the audience (intimate vs. exhibitionist). On the other hand, the second set [angle of inclination #1 & #2] is considerably more subtle, leaving a lot of room for interpretation.

What do you think?

NSFW self portrait (new corset)

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 02:42:00 -0700

Did an impromptu shoot tonight, and ended up with a new self portrait. Oh vodka... the things you make me do.

LOL.

Seattle trip, stream of consciousness report

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 11:06:00 -0700

Drove up to Seattle to see my sister. 2530 miles in 5 days (43 hours of road-time, round trip). Not too shabby, considering first 700 miles or so were on Highway 1, up the California coast. A beautiful drive, the Pacific Ocean on the left, miles and miles of forest and farmland on the right. Lunch at a small, quiet restaurant tucked into the woods by the ocean. Across the Golden Gate Bridge and more coastline. A plunge into the redwoods, winding canyon roads, the deep, green darkness of ancient forest, old magic... up, over and through the mountains.

Good to get away, to spend time with my sister, to morn with her over the loss of Eli, her little baby boy. Tears, hugs, and quiet, thoughtful conversation. Tears again at writing this, and again at reading it. A forest walk with her beautiful children. Some insights into our family, and my sometimes awkward place in it.

A bit of guilt at not contacting any of our amazing Seattle friends while in town. The trip is about family, no time/energy to socialize. I'll make it up to you later.

The long, monotonous drive back to Los Angeles, down Interstate 5. Angie asleep in the passenger seat. An impromptu detour to visit our tattoo artist at his new shop in Berkeley, CA. More thoughtful conversation. Hours of road time afterward to meditate on (re)surfacing ideas, to reconsider priorities, and contemplate new paths.

Up the Grapevine, through the high mountain pass. Used to go camping up here, when I was a kid. When was I ever a kid? Always so mature, always so responsible. The burden of the eldest son, of a dedicated, hard working father. Down the mountain and back to all too familiar territory.

Home. Work email is waiting. It will wait. A quarter of my life spent working there, it will wait.

Sleep. Wake. Return the rental car. Walk back home, in early morning silence.

Breathe. Breathe in the air.

Piano Beach, Revisited

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 23:24:00 -0700

(http://www.youtube.com/v/QrL_mvW3uTI)

This was our Monday night. It was cathartic, to say the least.

On hold...

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 00:15:00 -0700

I apologize if I have not been responsive to your comments, IMs, emails, calls, etc. An impending deadline at work is occupying every waking moment. Everything has started to slip... I even had to cancel my wrist surgery. I wish I could say that it will be over soon, but it is now likely that there will be, at least, an additional month added. Please bear with me in this ill-defined meantime between now and when I get my life back.

Okay, back to work.

Art give-away @ Club HELL!

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 01:27:00 -0700

This month at Club HELL, I'll be giving away *very* limited edition art trading-cards (ACEO's) to anyone who does ONE of the following at the show:

1) Trades me a card (or other piece of art) of their own.
2) Grabs my ass. (my personal favorite... lol)
3) Flashes me.
4) Signs up to model for my work.
5) Can tell me what my "Known Soldier" piece is about.

Limit 1 per person, while supplies last. Details and images of the cards are available HERE.

Art Trading Cards...

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 23:48:00 -0700

Here are the art trading cards that I'm thinking about giving away at Club HELL. I made them on a whim, and never figured out what to do with them.

They're about the same size as baseball cards, and printed on acid-free, archival cardstock. All are reproductions of pieces that I've shown at various shows. There are nine, hand-numbered pieces in each edition.

I'm still not sure exactly what criteria I'll use to give them away. I'd like it to be something fun, sexy and kinda silly - like flashing me or grabbing my ass (so far, those are the most popular suggestions). Jonni suggested handing them out to people who ask good questions about the work, but the music is usual loud enough to make that one difficult (at best).

Anyway, here they are. Most are not safe for work... of course.

The Known Soldier
2.5 x 3.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces

altar of hubris
3.5 x 2.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces

Bathroom Vanity
2.5 x 3.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces

oral i
2.5 x 3.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces

oral ii
2.5 x 3.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces

oral iii
2.5 x 3.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces

ready
2.5 x 3.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces

willing
2.5 x 3.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces

able
2.5 x 3.5 in.
inkjet on archival cardstock
hand-numbered edition of 9 pieces

Art give-away?

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 22:41:00 -0700

So...

I've been thinking about doing an art give-away at the next Club HELL. I made a small series of numbered, art trading-cards, and I'd like to hand them out at the next show, *but*, I don't want to just give them to just anyone - only people who really appreciate my work.

Therein lies the dilemma... what criteria do I set? Previously, I offered them to anyone who grabbed my ass at the show, but there was only one taker - and that was via the inter-tubes (Danke Chrystyne!). I'm willing to try that one again, but perhaps there's something better?

I guess I'm looking for something debaucherous, yet legal - something to indicate that someone is a fan of my work, and is also willing to put some effort into getting a free piece of my art...

Any thoughts?

A Sneak Peek

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 21:51:00 -0700

Here's a sneak peek at my new series. As usual, it's NSFW.

Black Velcro® hooks on foam-core.
19 x 28 inches.

The image is only visible at specific angles, appearing as a solid, black rectangle from other view points.

This is the first in a series of mixed-media works showing friends and acquaintances performing fellatio on the artist (um... me). It's an experiment in interpersonal and social boundaries.

The idea for this project has been kicking around in my head for a couple of years, but I keep losing my nerve. In finally executing it, I am attempting overcoming my fear of rejection and facing the consequences of bold (or unconventional) choices.

I wonder how many people will think I'm just a creep, asking for blow-jobs in the name of art...

Bedtime ramblings...

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 01:50:00 -0700

I have an art-based dilemma. Sorta. There's a project I've been kicking around, that both thrills and frightens me. Uhg, I'm too tired to get into it right now. Later, once I've had time to rest and think, maybe I'll talk about it.

Thanks for everyone's kind words in regard to my sister, and our family's loss. She's home from the hospital now, recovering. We're still not sure why the baby died, but the burial is Tuesday in Seattle. I can probably take the day off work, but I'm not sure if I can afford to fly out. Sigh.

Wow. Just wow.

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 23:54:00 -0700

It's been a day... or two.

Yesterday, my sister, Stacey, lost her baby in the womb. She was 30 weeks pregnant. Today, she went into surgery, had the baby removed, and held her son for the first and last time. I find myself unable to articulate how sorrow-filled this has left me. My sister is the sweetest, most empathic soul I have ever known, and the thought of her in such physical and emotional distress left me crouched in a corner behind the office, sobbing. Today was spent on the phone, trying to get details, and figuring out who is going to fly up to help take care of things.

This, of course, occurs in the midst of crunch-time. For those not in the know, this defines the period of time during a project when sleep, family and fun become and unaffordable luxury, where twelve hours in the office makes you look like a slacker. Yeah, take one for the team, you know? Because making a video game is worth losing everything: your friends, your family, your soul. E3 is this week and I'm not going. "Why?" you ask... Well, because ONE, there's too much work to do, and TWO, I really don't care anymore.

Okay, so I'm venting. A bit. But I'm coping. I'm eating right. I'm working out. I'm getting my blood-pressure under control. Angie and I are taking long walks every evening. Like tonight. We took a vigorous walk up the steep street that leads from our house toward CalArts. A good, sweaty, vigorous walk. The kind of walk where you start to remember how good your life is. At the top of the hill, there's a little, concrete bench, overlooking the local community college. We take a breather, listen to the school clock's chime and continue on our walk.

I'm not sure what we were talking about, but whatever it was, I was caught completely off-guard by the large cup of frozen yogurt that slammed into me. Apparently, the source of this projectile dessert, was the car full of teenagers that had just zipped passed. I turned, in an instinctive attempt to see my attackers and was struck from behind by a second cup, launched from a second car.

I snapped.

I'm running at a full sprint, after the cars.

I'm planning...

...two cars, probably 4 people in each. They'll get out the cars in staggered pairs. I can take the down the first two easy, they won't even know what hit them. They're expecting a stand off, but that's not what I'm gonna give them. They next two will be coming from the other side the of car. Easy. I'll drop one at the left, rear fender, and the next as he tries to come around to see what's happening. Now, for the real fight. Car number two. The next four will likely be grouped, somewhere between the...

I stop running.

Fifty meters at a sprint, and I'm not even breathing hard. I look back to see Angie jogging after me, panting and looking both confused and concerned. The cars round the corner, accelerating away. I reassure her and attempt to wipe myself off. We decide to cut our walk short and head home.

A drink and quick shower later finds me on the couch, thinking about my sister, and pondering the inner-workings of my own psyche. Did I really try to chase down two cars... on foot?

Thanks, I just needed to share.

The twouble with TWITTER...

Mon, 11 May 2009 13:34:00 -0700

http://www.youtube.com/v/PN2HAroA12w

Join us Friday, May 1st for Meridian!

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 23:45:00 -0700

Meridian

A night of improvisational exploration: the synapse between music, dance, and video.

Three musicians will be creating electronic/experimental music live throughout the evening. Several dancers will interpret and perform to this music. This will be the merging of improvisation on a new level.

Friday, May 1st, 2009 at 9:30 pm.
Price: $10

Melrose Lightspace
7600 Melrose Ave., Ste. N
Los Angeles, CA 90046

Performers:
Rhythm In Mind, 3am, Michael Feldman
Malice Dreaming, Heather Coker, SuperKate, April Rose

Tickets here: http://meridian.eventbrite.com/

http://www.ninthspiral.com/

Server Issues

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 18:12:00 -0700

Obviously, there have been some server issues.

I'm currently pulling 14-16 hour days, 6-7 days a week working on THIS, so I'm not sure when I'll have time to sit down and fix everything. Please bear with me for the time being.

my brain hurts

Yours in debauchery,

New dirty artwork...

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 23:47:00 -0700

More oral fixation for your consumption.

This piece makes me a bit nervous... which usually means I'm on the right track.

Show this Saturday, pls repost!

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 21:47:00 -0700

Join us this Saturday for an evening of live art, dance and music;
inspired by the battles we fight within ourselves.

With performances by:
SuperKate
Malice Dreaming
Rory Vallis
Elysium Dance Theatre
Nikii Henry
Liz Hoefner and Yorgos Adamis
Lucas Rodenbush
Timur and the Petrojvic Blasting Co.

With art by:
Angelina Cardone
Larry Holdaway

Saturday, March 14th, 2009
Two shows: 7pm & 9pm
Price: $15
All ages

Tickets are available here: http://sciamachy.eventbrite.com/

Art Show in Detroit - Feb 6th - 14th

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 12:41:00 -0800

I have a piece (not work friendly...) in the 10th anniversary Detroit Dirty Show! The exhibition is Feb 6th, 7th, 8th, 13th & 14th. If you're in the area, stop by and check things out!

Details here:
http://www.myspace.com/dirtyshowdetroit

Showing support for Marriage Equality

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 22:03:00 -0800

By taking two traditional symbols of marriage: the color white and 'tying the knot', the White Knot creates a simple way to show support for marriage equality. All couples, regardless of gender or orientation, deserve the same legal rights, benefits, and respect that civil marriage bestows.

Wear a White Knot on Inauguration Day, Tuesday, January 20th.
http://whiteknot.org/

Optical Body Interface - Stage 01

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 13:39:00 -0800

I started a new photo project this week. It's completely different that anything I've ever done before. Here is a quick example of where it's at:

0x00

0x03

0x0A

0x0B

More here.

Tally for 2008

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 20:00:00 -0800

2008 tally:
   +9   earned my BFA from CalArts
   +3   made some art (political 2 3, erotic 2 3 4)
   +2   made some sound
  -12   had several nervous break-downs
   +4   still have a job
   +8   yes we did
  -10   lost faith in some people
   +8   gained some great new friends
   +6   reconnected with someone
  -10   found the bottom
   -8   continued to suffer from the same old mental shit

+0 = A fair year.

goddess vii

Sun, 14 Dec 2008 02:37:00 -0800

goddess vii
her name is Death
(60 source images)

Enjoy,

(more info here)

goddess vi

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 00:53:00 -0800

goddess vi
to know is to worship
(109 source images)

Thanks for your time,

goddess v

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:15:00 -0800

goddess v
she is all
(123 source images)

Enjoy,

Thank you.

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 18:05:00 -0800

Originally, I was going to write a long, articulate post, addressing Veteran's Day. In the shower, I plotted, point by point, all of the great and weighty things I would say about service and sacrifice.

Now, sitting here at my desk, nearing the end of my workday, I am setting those things aside so that I may say the one thing to those vets that actually matters:

Thank you.

Sincerely,

8pm, Nov. 4th, 2008

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 20:05:00 -0800

Yes we can.

Thank you, General Powell

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 20:39:00 -0700

Gen. Colin Powell (Ret.), while endorsing Senator Obama for President:

I'm also troubled by, not what Senator McCain says, but what members of the party say. And it is permitted to be said such things as, "Well, you know that Mr. Obama is a Muslim."

Well, the correct answer is, he is not a Muslim; he's a Christian. He's always been a Christian.

But the really right answer is, what if he is? Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer's no, that's not America.

Is there something wrong with some seven-year-old Muslim-American kid believing that he or she could be president?

Yet, I have heard senior members of my own party drop the suggestion, "He's a Muslim and he might be associated terrorists." This is not the way we should be doing it in America.

I feel strongly about this particular point because of a picture I saw in a magazine. It was a photo essay about troops who are serving in Iraq and Afghanistan.

And one picture at the tail end of this photo essay was of a mother in Arlington Cemetery, and she had her head on the headstone of her son's grave. And as the picture focused in, you could see the writing on the headstone. And it gave his awards -- Purple Heart, Bronze Star -- showed that he died in Iraq, gave his date of birth, date of death. He was 20 years old.

And then, at the very top of the headstone, it didn't have a Christian cross; it didn't have the Star of David; it had crescent and a star of the Islamic faith. And his name was Kareem Rashad Sultan Khan, and he was an American. He was born in New Jersey. He was 14 years old at the time of 9/11, and he waited until he can go serve his country, and he gave his life.

The main-stream media tolerance of anti-Arab/Muslim racism has been gnawing at me for a few weeks now. Regardless of any politics or endorsements, I'm glad that General Powell chose to point out this egregious double-standard.

New erotic artwork...

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 01:17:00 -0700

oral ix

oral x

First, two pieces exploring my ongoing fixation with oral sex. The first, Oral ix, was created by layering 118 different photos of women performing fellatio. Juxtaposed is Oral x, composed of 118 photos of men also performing fellatio. Click the images for larger versions and the rest of the series.

bathroom vanity

This image is a composite of 105 nude self-portraits found on various forums and social networking sites. The photos included were selected for their common setting: the bathroom mirror. What is it about the arena of the locked bathroom that leaves one secure enough to confront their inner porn star?